I am overwhelmed by feeling. I am overwhelmed by feeling. I am overwhelmed by feeling.
And I am weakened by it.
I thought that I have protected myself enough. I thought that I have learned to shield my emotions with a heavy coating of cynicism and jadedness. I thought that after the events of 2008, I have finally found a way to level my expectations with reality.
You have made me vulnerable.
It’s not even about romance anymore. It’s not even about you anymore. These past few days have witnessed me exposed in more ways than the erotic, than the romantic. I am bare. I tried telling myself that it’s just the ounces of alcohol remaining in my system. I tried telling myself that I just lack sleep. But nine peaceful hours later, my stomach is no longer queasy, but my mind and heart still are. Each little incident excites/depresses/ignites/saddens me. I find myself calling people left and right to share the experience. I find myself blogging things I don’t normally write about, in a persona I thought I have left behind in high school. And most eerily– most painfully– I find myself looking through the eyes of the people I have hurt, and I am deeply affected by what I see.
I am sorry. I am very, very sorry.
This sensitivity is killing me.
What have you opened? What did you do to me?
You’re exactly right. It’s called “feeling,” Ker. You know, that which makes us human. Don’t run away from it. Take it, embrace it. Because by learning to do so, we are preparing ourselves for the time when, sometime, somewhere, we’ll meet someone who’ll have the same feeling towards us.
On that note, it’s time to partay!!!
If I embrace it, I become weak. :/
Partay, yes!